Do you also love winter? Because I'm snow glad I met you.
Somebody needs to call the bomb squad, because you're the bomb!
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones.
What did one hat say to the other?
Stay here! I'm going on ahead.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
Where do boats go when they're sick?
To the boat doc.
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.
The cashier said never mind.
What do you call a poor Santa Claus?
St. Nickel-less.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What has more letters than the alphabet?"
The post office!
Where do you learn to make a banana split?
Sundae school.
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!